Lesson 2: YOU MATTER: Assessing Stability, Support, and Safety

3 Deep Breaths and Body Scan Instructions

Hello everyone. We're going to take a few moments to center ourselves with some deep breathing and a brief body scan. This exercise will help us become more present and aware of our bodies. Please find a comfortable seated position, and if you're willing, turn on your camera so we can all feel more connected during this exercise.

Deep Breathing (1-2 minutes)

1. Let's begin with three deep breaths.

2. For the first breath:

   • Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4, feeling your belly expand.

   • Hold for a count of 2.

   • Exhale gently through your mouth for a count of 6.

3. For the second breath:

   • Repeat the same pattern: inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6.

   • This time, try to relax your shoulders as you exhale.

4. For the third and final deep breath:

   • Again, inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6.

   • As you exhale, imagine releasing any tension or stress you're holding.

Body Scan (3-4 minutes)

Now, let's move into a brief body scan. We'll start at the top of your head and work our way down to your toes. As we go through each part of the body, notice any sensations without trying to change them.

1. Begin by bringing your attention to the top of your head. Notice any sensations in your scalp.

2. Move down to your face. Relax your forehead, your eyebrows, your eyes. Let your jaw soften.

3. Bring awareness to your neck and shoulders. If you're holding any tension here, see if you can let it go.

4. Notice your arms and hands. Are they tense or relaxed? Heavy or light?

5. Bring your attention to your chest and upper back. Notice your breath moving in this area.

6. Now focus on your abdomen and lower back. Feel the rise and fall of your belly as you breathe.

7. Become aware of your hips and pelvic area. Notice any sensations or tension here.

8. Bring your attention to your legs, from your thighs down to your calves.

9. Finally, focus on your feet. Feel them connecting with the floor.

10. Now, take a moment to notice your body as a whole. Be aware of your entire physical presence.

To conclude, take one more deep breath in, and as you exhale, gently open your eyes if they were closed.

Thank you for participating in this exercise. How do you feel now compared to when we started?

10 Things to Do and Not Do in the Aftermath of Betrayal by Michelle Mays

Plan for Sex Addiction Recovery

1. Definition of Abstinence

I define abstinence as refraining from the following behaviors:

* Viewing pornography in any form

* Engaging in masturbation

* Seeking or participating in casual encounters

* Using escort services/attending strip clubs

* Engaging in cybersex, sexting, or phone sex

* Any sexual activity outside of my committed relationship

2. Boundaries and Safeguards

To maintain abstinence, I will:

* Install and maintain content filtering software on all devices

* Avoid being alone with individuals to whom I’m attracted to (other than my

partner)

* Not use the internet or devices in private spaces (e.g. bedroom,

bathroom)

* Share my location with my partner when away from home

* Avoid places that have been triggers in the past (e.g. certain

neighborhoods, hotels)

3. Recovery Activities

I commit to:

* Attending 3 support group meetings per week (e.g. SAA, SLAA)

* Meeting with my sponsor weekly

* Attending individual therapy sessions bi-weekly

* Journaling daily about my thoughts, feelings, challenges

* Practicing mindfulness meditation for 15 minutes each morning.

* Reading recovery literature for 30 minutes each evening

4. Accountability Measures

I agree to:

* Check in with my accountability partner daily

* Share my Internet browsing history with my partner weekly and provide

ongoing access to technology

* Take polygraph test every sixth months if requested by my partner

* Immediately disclose any slips or relapses to my partner and sponsor

5. Self-Care and Stress Management

I will prioritize self-care by:

* Exercising for at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week

* Maintaining a regular sleep schedule (10pm-6am)

* Eating balanced meals and avoiding excessive sugar or caffeine

* Engaging in a hobby or recreational activity at least twice a week

* Practicing deep breathing exercises when stressed or triggered

6. Relationship Commitments

To nurture my primary relationship, I will:

* Have a weekly check-in conversation with my partner about my recovery

* Plan and participate in a date night once a week

* Express gratitude to my partner daily

* Attend couples therapy sessions monthly

7. Relapse Prevention Plan

If I feel at risk of relapse, I will:

* Immediately call my sponsor or accountability partner

* Remove myself from the triggering situation

* Use the H.A.L.T. method (check if I’m hungry, angry, lonely, or tired)

* Engage in a predetermined healthy coping activity (e.g. going for a walk,

calling a friend)

* Attend an emergency support group if available

________________________________________________________________________

Sex Addiction Relapse Plan: Considerations for the Betrayed Partner

1. Immediate Disclosure

If I relapse, I commit to:

* Inform my partner within 24 hours of the relapse

* Provide a clear, honest, account of what happened without minimizing or

making excuses

* Answer any questions my partner has truthfully and completely

2. Safety Measures

To ensure my partner’s emotional and physical safety:

* I will immediately get tested for STDs if the relapse involves physical

contact

with another person

* I will respect my partner’s need for space and distance if requested

* I will not pressure my partner for forgiveness or to move past the relapse

quickly

3. Transparency and Accountability

To Rebuild Trust:

* I will provide my partner with full access to my devices, accounts, and

location

information

* I agree to take a polygraph test if my partner requests it

* I will check in with my partner daily about my recovery efforts and

emotional

state

4. Intensified Recovery Efforts

To address the relapse, I will:

* Increase my therapy sessions to weekly for at least one month

* Attend daily support group meetings for the first 30 days post-relapse

* Re-engage with my sponsor and create a new sobriety plan

5. Partner Support

To support my partner’s healing:

* I will pay for individual therapy sessions for my partner if they desire

* I will attend couples therapy sessions as frequently as my partner wishes

* I will read materials on betrayal trauma and discuss them with my partner

6. Boundary Respect

I understand that my partner may need to:

* Set new, stricter boundaries following the relapse

* Take time to process their emotions before deciding on next steps

* Seek support from trusted friend and family members

I commit to respecting these boundaries without complaint or pressure.

7. Relapse Analysis

Within one week of the relapse, I will:

* Identify and share with my partner the triggers that led to the relapse

* Develop and share a concrete plan to address these triggers in the future

* Discuss with my partner any changes needed in our relationship or

environment

8. Amends Process

I will:

* Write a detailed amends letter to my partner

* Read this letter aloud to my partner when they are ready to hear it

* Follow through on any promises or changes outlined in the amends

9. Partner’s Relapse Response Plan

I support my partner in creating their own relapse response plan, which may

include:

* Predetermined self-care activities

* A list of supportive friends/family to contact

* The option to temporarily stay elsewhere if needed for their well-being

10. Recommitment to Recovery

I will:

* Renew my commitment to my recovery program

* Involved my partner in creating an updated recovery plan if they wish to

participate

* Regularly share my progress and challenges with my partner

11. Understanding Consequences

I acknowledge that:

* My partner has the right to reevaluate our relationship following a relapse

* There may be predetermined consequences we’ve agreed upon (e.g.

temporary

separation)

* Repeated relapses my result in the termination of our relationship

12. Review and Revise

We will review this plan:

* Immediately after any relapse occurs

* Every three months as part of our ongoing recovery work

* Any time either of us feels it needs updating

ex Addiction Relapse Plan: Considerations for the Betrayed Partner

1. Immediate Disclosure

If I relapse, I commit to:

• Inform my partner within 24 hours of the relapse

• Provide a clear, honest account of what happened without minimizing or making excuses

• Answer any questions my partner has truthfully and completely

2. Safety Measures

To ensure my partner's emotional and physical safety:

• I will immediately get tested for STIs if the relapse involved physical contact with another person

• I will respect my partner's need for space or distance if requested

• I will not pressure my partner for forgiveness or to move past the relapse quickly

3. Transparency and Accountability

To rebuild trust:

• I will provide my partner with full access to my devices, accounts, and location information

• I agree to take a polygraph test if my partner requests it

• I will check in with my partner daily about my recovery efforts and emotional state

4. Intensified Recovery Efforts

To address the relapse, I will:

• Increase my therapy sessions to weekly for at least one month

• Attend daily support group meetings for the first 30 days post-relapse

• Re-engage with my sponsor and create a new sobriety plan

5. Partner Support

To support my partner's healing:

• I will pay for individual therapy sessions for my partner if they desire

• I will attend couples therapy sessions as frequently as my partner wishes

• I will read materials on betrayal trauma and discuss them with my partner

6. Boundary Respect

I understand that my partner may need to:

• Set new, stricter boundaries following the relapse

• Take time to process their emotions before deciding on next steps

• Seek support from trusted friends or family members

I commit to respecting these boundaries without complaint or pressure.

7. Relapse Analysis

Within one week of the relapse, I will:

• Identify and share with my partner the triggers that led to the relapse

• Develop and share a concrete plan to address these triggers in the future

• Discuss with my partner any changes needed in our relationship or environment

8. Amends Process

I will:

• Write a detailed amends letter to my partner

• Read this letter aloud to my partner when they are ready to hear it

• Follow through on any promises or changes outlined in the amends

9. Partner's Relapse Response Plan

I support my partner in creating their own relapse response plan, which may include:

• Predetermined self-care activities

• A list of supportive friends or family to contact

• The option to temporarily stay elsewhere if needed for their well-being

10. Recommitment to Recovery

I will:

• Renew my commitment to my recovery program

• Involve my partner in creating an updated recovery plan if they wish to participate

• Regularly share my progress and challenges with my partner

11. Understanding Consequences

I acknowledge that:

• My partner has the right to reevaluate our relationship following a relapse

• There may be predetermined consequences we've agreed upon (e.g., temporary separation)

• Repeated relapses may result in the termination of our relationship

12. Review and Revise

We will review this plan:

• Immediately after any relapse occurs

• Every three months as part of our ongoing recovery work

• Any time either of us feels it needs updating

Signed (Recovering Addict): _________________ Date: _________________

Signed (Partner): _________________ Date: _________________

Witness (e.g., Therapist): _________________ Date: _________________Item description